The Sponge. A Contraceptive Review

I remember a Seinfeld episode, where Elaine is distraught over the discontinuance of her contraceptive of choice: the sponge. A few months ago, I heard on the radio that the sponge is making a comeback. I saw my wife's eyebrows rise, sitting in the passenger's seat. She seemed pleased my this. I remember her saying once that the sponge was great, but a bitch to remove after the fact.
Hmm. I've never used the sponge. It was sort of... before my time. But if my math is right, the sponge means no more condoms for me. I like the way that sounds...
So I went shopping.
The sponge was expensive: $16.99. I don't know how many sponges are in that box, but I've lived in New York and I hear $16.99 buys a lot of sexual satisfaction in Spanish Harlem. I'm married. I shouldn't have to pay that much for sex.

I'm an industrious guy. Someday, I might even get a PhD. Maybe.

I though, "It's just a sponge. I can make one of those way cheaper."
So, I got to work.

(Here's a picture of me with my sponge and sea monkey village. If you like sea monkeys, see my blog on How To Make a Bowl Full of Friends For Under $10)

It's important to understand the fundamentals of this brand of contraceptive before attempting a project like this. By careful research (i.e. Seinfeld), I've reasoned that the sponge works by a physical and chemical barrier, preventing sperm from reaching their destination: the egg. All I had to do was saturate the sponge fibers with the spermicide and rub it in.



Now, there is still the issue of why the sponge was taken off the shelves all those years ago. It frequently got stuck in the woman. It's back on the market because they found a solution. Look at the picture of the sponge at the top of this page. If you look carefully, you'll see a band that is used to grab onto the sponge and pull it out. So, I added a little innovation of my own.


I rushed to my wife. I was thrilled with myself for my inventiveness, frugal instincts, and the fact that I came up with a full proof excuse to have sex for which she could not possibly deny me.

I was wrong.

She had a headache, and was not very excited over my creation. Quite the opposite. She seemed a bit disturbed.

It turns out that we wont be trying my sponge. All of a sudden my wife is unusually attached to the condoms.